i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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