Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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