Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
