He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
