Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
