You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
