The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
