I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
