I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize