A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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