Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
