Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
