you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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