Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
