Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
