I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
