a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
