Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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