hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No I am not eating basil off your cock
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
