Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
