Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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