Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
