I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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