I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
