If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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