I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
