ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
