areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
