If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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