So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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