And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
