I forgot how hot balto sounded
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
