Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
her vagine was all disorganized.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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