I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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