So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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