he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
