We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
