The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
