just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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