I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
