You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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