Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
