when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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