I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
