How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just pynch a tree in the face
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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