This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
