you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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