When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
