I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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