I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
