at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
