So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
