I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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