bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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