I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize