It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
