Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
