I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
