The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
