i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My ass is underappreciated
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
