I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
