that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
