my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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