Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
