don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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