he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
