i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
