It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
